It feels a little bit like a curse. I think of driven people to have high expectations. How can people who are always very hard on themselves, learn to build up their self-esteem a little bit more.
I don't know if self-esteem is the answer, you know, I think I don't think it's bad to be hard on yourself as long as you also celebrate when the victories happened. But, you know, so many people will tell you. I have poor self-esteem because when I was a kid, people said this to me and that to me is convenient that we remember those things. And that the positive things that also
So occur obviously, but I think it's more important is to realize that self-esteem is earned. It's only earned by you with yourself. You're not going to get self-esteem because everybody Praises, you use so many, tell your whole life that you're brilliant. You're a genius, you're beautiful. You're handsome. And, you know, I believe it. Someone can tell you, your company, or your piece of crap, you never going to become anything, and there's a partying. Say, I'll show you as many people have, and then they develop drive out of it, right? So, it's really self-esteem comes from doing, incredibly difficult things where, you know, you pushed yourself. It's not virtue. Signaling is not telling
About it. It's what, you know, inside your soul is true. And the more you do, things that are incredibly difficult and especially things that are meaningful, meaning they're not just about yourself. The higher that esteem of be. I think, the most important thing for self-esteem is to find something you care about more than yourself as long as you're in your own head. The nature of the mind is reductionism right, good bad right? Wrong, all those types of things, of course, life is much more made it from Hughes than that. And so when you find something you care about whether to kids or
Whether it's something, your job, your career, whether it's a mission, you have something you want to bring to the world, nonprofit, doesn't matter what it is. If you find, something you care about more than you, you only thinking about yourself all the time, and all your bullshit self-esteem, shit just goes out the window. I mean, it's just when I hear it, it just so mamby-pamby BS. You can have crappy self-esteem and achieve a hell of a lot. Now, the real question is, what do you want? And I think there's if you want an extraordinary life, which by definition, that is life on your terms.
What's my idea might be different than yours completely. Some people had three beautiful children, the white picket fence. Some people, it's building on a multi-billion dollar business. Somebody else that's writing poetry, right? So instead of looking for somebody else's like, okay, what do you really want from your life and aligning yourself with moving forward, towards what you really want? And I think if you can do that in a way that all she feels serving other simultaneously, there's a, there's a sense of meaning in life that can't be replaced by self-esteem, or praise or complements her.
A nice to yourself and I don't think it's bad to be a tough on yourself. I'm pretty tough and myself, will be honest with you, but I also I'm much better at celebrating now and I also realized being overly tough on yourself. Usually comes by making comparisons that don't make sense. I remember, I remember I could just walking by. I saw was I was walking here a picture to remind me of something which was years ago. I was in Atlanta, Georgia I was in my early 20s 23 24, 25 and I was doing a seminar and those
Isn't worth fifteen, twenty thousand people as 125 people. I remember because it was the biggest seminar I'd done. I thought it was so exciting and I give my heart and soul and, you know, don't 12 13 hours a day on the third day of the rooms are so small, then I go by and looking everybody's eyes, I gave everybody a flower and he's just looking back now. It seems silly, but it was really just, I wanted to make that connection. I want to make sure that they had made that shift. I was like, so obsessive about making a true transformation happen. And earlier in the day, I got a phone call from a friend of mine who said the boss Bruce,
Justine. He was the biggest star of the world in those days. I loved him and he's four blocks from you. He said, you know, the Atlanta Stadium. There of the Hawks play, you got just finished early and come over and and you got to take it in. It was Christmastime, he said, it's going to be incredible. I said, I'd love to come but I said, I just can't do that. That's if, if I say, if I finish somehow time it all happens, he still on stage, you know, I'll call you and see what's going on. So I finished seminar, I don't know. I was almost 11:00 at night but you know, Bruce usually does specially on Christmas Eve.
Like three on course and so my buddy calls me and says, get your butt over here. He's doing a second Encore. I think he might even do three if you get here, get over here, see the end. So I sprinted the four or five blocks to get in got him Stadium, couldn't find my buddy, but I got up into some high seats. I'm looking down and it was back when Clarence was still there and, you know, just the drive and the energy was incredible, the crowd was so engaged and doing Christmas songs and he ends with, you know, Born to Run, you know, and I'm like, I'm so into it.
It and about 3/4 way through the song I got depressed. Like, what the hell? And what it was was I was like shit when I'm doing doesn't matter. This guy's got 15,000 people here. I got 125 for 3 days, I'm not make any difference at all, and I was like, and I literally was her walking out and people born around, I was pissy inside myself, you know, like, but I was feeling so great before this, but not making this comparison. And of course, you're never fair. You compared to somebody
His life that has a totally different path, a totally different experience, we all develop in different stages and different things and all want different things. But what was ironic though? The reason I tell you this story is it was like four years later. And there I am in that stadium and I'm not doing this crappy little two and a half hour concert right on 12 hours and the crowd is going crazy - and I just like, I don't know, just like, you know, it was humorous, you know, you get to look back and say, you know, your judge yourself too soon and I can tell you a dozen stories like that with me. So I was so hard on myself, but eventually,
Actually wake up and saying it's good to be strong with yourself but beating yourself up just lowers your energy and when your energy gets lower, you produce less, you don't have and you don't the same level of joy. You don't have the, the impact that you want to have, nor do you have the excitement that you really want to have. So, I look at it, I look at it as something that it's worth, earning, your own self-esteem, but it's really not the secret. The secret is find something else. You obsess about more than yourself and you'll have a level of energy that will compel you over the long
term. It's not tension this
Rising tension between balancing ambition and gratitude. Yes. And you know this fear that if I Pat myself on the back too much, right? What if that stops the drive, you know, it's coming from this place of fear, this fear of not being enough this fear of failure, I'm going to continue to disprove it and I don't want to give, I don't let up because that's the only fuel that I know. Yeah, well,
you know, I'm going to be 65, a few weeks, have a little perspective on this, and it doesn't mean it's the right perspective. But I think when I began, I began.
In with a fuel which was like. I'm gonna show him my, you know, my I was, I had four fathers, going up. It's pretty rough background. My mom was a very intense character, a huge part of who I am. I owe to her because she challenged me so strongly. I became a practical psychologist to deal with things really loving woman. But when she mixed alcohol with prescription drugs, she was very violent and I had to protect my younger brother younger sister. So, you know, I have these experiences early on that were so painful and then she
Pick my fourth, father of the house. It's fairly powerful woman. He went back East, he was the one who I love the most, and then she chased me out of the house with a knife on Christmas Eve. And I know she wasn't going to kill me but I wasn't going back in that place, you know, and I remember coming out of the beginning, it was it was anger. The drove me, you know, I'm just going to show you type of thing but that fuel doesn't last. And then the next fuel that people you tend to use is I got to succeed but there's a little fear underneath that that's driving them which is like, what if I don't
Versus a knowing, you know, it's like one of my original mentors, Jim Rohn used to have this phrase, used to said, you know, Tony don't worry about it. If you give your all every day, your gift will make room for you. And it's like having a knowingness that things were are going to be fine. And then there's the next level which is you start to know who you are and you're not trying to prove it to yourself or other people and it's just, you just want to help you just want to do things. And so now, you is the difference between what I would call Push motivation and pull right? Push you as I'm going to
This happen. It takes tremendous willpower. And I know you have plenty of willpower. I do as well but there's a limit to willpower but there's no limit to pull. Pole is when there's something magnificent that you want to serve something that you're you got an obsession for to create or to do or make happen and that doesn't it. You don't lose that energy. You don't lose those components and you are able to laugh and enjoy it along the way as opposed to Old by my God you know, if I don't keep doing this and I used to believe that too is like I kind of you. So,
Intense every moment. And now, my wife's been a huge help in that also, you know, you know, I wanted member, I met her, I was like, I'm a serious mofo. I want to change the world. I worked 20-hour days. When said I want to laugh more, some days. I wish I hadn't said that to her, because she's so crazy, but she's one of the great gifts of my life. And I surround myself with so many brilliant and funny people that my life has, you know, the joy and the
achievement. I think that's a balance. A lot of people are trying to play with his. Well, this
They like to take things seriously, they care about their work to Ernest rice earnestness being The Bravery to take your emotions seriously. Yes. And this can end up sapping, the fun in the play out of life. Yes. So you want to be treated like a serious person, like an operator, like someone that's here to actually do things, and make a dent in the world. But you also realize after a while that, if you're doing it so tightly, it creates a sort of brittle. Fragility, around whatever you're doing. And when you look back, you have this series of miserable successes.
That you kind of gridded your teeth through and you go well. Okay I got the outcome that I wanted but really what's the outcome? I'm trying to achieve well it's an enjoyable emotional state. Yes what I'm trying to do is feel good in the moment as myself and some yet winning achieving the thing, Financial Freedom, the business, all of that stuff is a reliable route toward getting you that but there's much more direct route which is to enjoy the thing. So there is another tension here I think between seriousness of pursuit
Enjoy and he's in the moment and finding the balance. Between those two is something I think a lot of people struggle with
it's true, it's an art, it's chemistry right? And you don't get it right in the evening and you know, takes time and you have to have the intention to want both. Remember when I met my trainer Billy years ago is one of my dearest friends and he's brilliant. He said, what do you really want out of your training goes? Because what I find is I don't you know I don't know why you even need me because you don't you don't no one needs to push you. I gotta push you back. I'm gonna stop you from going.
That hard because I thought I said, no, I'm not leaving motivation. I said, I'm want to be specific. I want to produce very precise results, but I said at this point, I think I've been working out like crazy person and I suppress my oxygen. I do, you saw when I do, it's just ridiculous. I'm a biohacker right. Have to be, I got to go onstage and do 12 to 13 hours and hold, thirteen, fourteen fifteen, twenty thousand people's attention for four days, right? When they won't sit for a three hour movie, somebody spent three hundred million dollars on, you know. It takes a level of energy. I'm not just standing there talking. I'm running up assigned doing
these things. So I said, I don't want to give up any of that. I need that power in me to be able to produce, but I said, I want to fun. He says, what does that look like? And I said well, I don't know. I think you know, when I was a kid, I used to play racquetball. I said, maybe for the aerobics that are just running and it wouldn't, you know, do something that's fun to do it because that's great. Let's do it. So we called around no racquetball courts anywhere but squash you play Squash. Yep. Yeah. So you can appreciate squashes awesome and it's more strategic and how lot better exercise than you know, rock.
Well this, so I got into playing squash and it was like, wow, it added a whole nother Dimension. And then that led to, you know, you know, the stage of I go someplace, I'm going to be kind, which I want to be, you know, it's not a 20-minute Drive in 20 min back, it's 20 minutes, you know, in and out. I'm sure you know, pictures and, you know, just connecting with people and taking care of them. And so man is, I don't have time for this. So that's how this happened down here, you know, it's like I just
have mentioned, is a racquetball court some money or else our ask washcloth or sponge, but it's already a brilliant
story was like, you know, I came here to this, we're going to build this.
But it's just like, so I built this whole place for fun. I mean, if you came here and you probably came by slide, I
assume I. Yeah. My first delivery to a podcast by via slide and gravitate. Yes.
So we come to build this place, you know, then I said, you know you guys send me. You got 25,000 square feet, you've used up all the space, you know, where you going to do this? I said down here and he goes when you mean down here. So below the surface. He goes, no, no, no, the oceans here, the intercoastal, sear your below the water table. I said, well, if you ever been to Scripps oceanography, you know you ever been to, you know,
The Atlantis Hotel said? Yeah, I said that's, we're going to do he's like, oh I can't be done the oci so we make can't be done. Other people have done. It goes. Well, you never get approved. I said the mayor here. We're good friends. I'm sure people community, like it will get approved. And so it leads to a place of fun. We're sitting in the place of fun and we got 7,000 square feet below the surface. No one knows, it's here. It's below the water. We built like a submarine around the outside of this. And so we got squash courts and I bowling alley and all the stuff, my kids and my grandkids. And it's the
Play area. So I think it's also important to have environments that call out the play and environments that are convenient to pull out the play. You know, you can live by the ocean. I used to live on the hill in Del Mar California, almost everyone to the beach except when friends came on to take him there. When you live on the beach, I'm on the beach every day, you know, it's there so it's like you can engineer your life to have more happiness but I think the real challenge is thinking so hard lie about being taken. Seriously, just represents your fears
Right. It's like I think Spiritual Development. When people talk about spiritual, not religious development, Spiritual Development is the level of comfort. You can have with just being your real self and I think that's not an easy task because we're all are trying to be something, but we already are that something we're trying to be. That doesn't mean you can't be better, but it's like accepting and appreciating what you really are and stead of projecting, you know, something else takes a lot of pain out of your body. Takes a lot of
Wasted energy out and take gets a lot of fears to just disappear and I don't have an easy path for that. I think it's the hero's journey, you know, what is it? Your life is ordinary and everything seems fine and then something hits you and it's the Call to Adventure, doesn't feel like a call feels like somebody your family's got cancer or feels like, you know, Cove in some shut down your business, you know, or you know some issue that's happening in your relationship with your kids. But if you take the call and you go on the journey, you're going to meet some new.
New friends, you're going to find some new mentors. You're going to, you're going to battle with internal things within you and external things. But if you keep going, you're going to eventually slay, your dragons and you come out and the hero of your own life and you have something to share that isn't bullshit. It's not something you read somewhere. It's something you've lived you on. Everybody can feel you've lived it because it's a different level of ownership, you know? And then by the way, as soon as you do that, it happens again, you're called on another journey of an ID, you love him challenge. That you need to go on it.
It never ends but it's a it makes life really, really beautiful.
One of the things that I've been hearing you talk about a lot recently that seems to tie into this is the difference in life between when you focus on things that are wrong when you focus on things that are right and I think a lot of people have managed to achieve quite a bit of success by avoiding pitfalls. You know you present them with something they can say well that's growing and that's going to be an issue and we need to make sure that that's sorted there. But as you've said, the things that you focus on seem to appear more frequently in your life, and if you have
have, if you Justified to yourself, and if you've built up this,
Habit, this stack of evidence that it's useful for me to focus on where potential pitfalls, maybe and make sure that I can avoid them but I'd only do it in my personal life. Is that what you don't? You you've developed this pattern and that is now going to be ported over into everything. So when your partner comes through the door and does something the pisses you off, the first thing that you don't think is I'm so grateful to have her. She's so hot, she's so wonderful. Think about all of the things that's actually fucking loved the makeups out on the counter again and she didn't clean up the such a
Much. So just dig into that difference between focusing on what's right versus focusing on what's wrong when it comes to your trajectory in life,
I think it's important to realize wherever focus goes. Energy flows, it's corny but it's true. Right? In fact, maybe an easier way of saying it is we don't experience life. None of us. Do we experience the life? We focus on. So in any moment, what's wrong is always available. So it's right. So it's not about being positive, it's about being intelligent.
Right. You know, when you're in a totally - State near the world's going to end and there are people like believing that in the next 12 years, thinking of the entire environment is going to collapse and they want to have a child, you know, you have a look at the impact of what you're believing. And you got to look at and say, you know, where's my focus going? There's I can always be upset about something. I can always find something to be joyous or at least grateful for which leads to Joy. And I think it's having that learning to discipline your disappointments. You know, not allow them to grow and to move.
And to use whatever life is giving you. But to me, it's like, I think there's three decisions that people make every moment, their life. Now, I'm not saying they make them consciously, if you make them unconsciously, you have the same patterns over and over again. And usually, they're not good ones, right? Sometimes they're good, but not usually. And I learned these really because I have experienced when I was 11 years old. I had I was not my fourth father and he got fired and we had no money and no food were always poor. But I mean, we wouldn't have started
carved. We had saltine crackers and peanut butter, right. But when everybody else around you is having a big Thanksgiving dinner. It was pretty depressing, and my mom and dad were saying things to each other. That once you save them, you can't take them back and I have a younger brother, five years, younger, and younger sister, seven years younger. So, I thought like the parent almost. I'm trying to protect them. I'm only 11 years old and what changed my life. Is this bang on the door? I go open the door and there's this guy. Big guy with groceries and both.
And he had a pot on the ground with an uncooked turkey, and he looks at me and says, is your father here and I'm like, just one moment. I'm just like this to me was like Christmas, right? This is the greatest thing that's going to stop the fighting. It's going to be incredible. So I go to my father and I say, you know, that dead, somebody the door for you and he's yelling at my mom through the closed door that she slammed on him. And, and he goes, you answer. I said, I did it, it's for you is, who is it? I said, I don't know. They said they got to talk to you, right? And I have this level of excitement a little boy.
Like this is going to be the greatest thing and my dad opens the door and I'll never forget the look on his face. He got angry, which shocked me and he said the man we don't accept charity for the guy even said anything. He went to slam the door and the guy had leaned in slightly so it hit his shoulder and it bounced off of him, which made my dad even matter. And then he said, he goes sir, sir. I'm just the delivery guy, you know, somebody knows you having a tough time. Everyone has a tough time and they just want you have a great Thanksgiving with your family.
My father says, we don't accept charity, goes to slam it again, but I think because he leaned in his foot came in now it's hit his foot and bounced open again. It's just like now I got fear runs in my body because I know my father, right? And and my father looks at him, and the guy looks at him and says some, I thought my father's gonna punch him in the face. He and he didn't do it mean, he was at a softness in his face and he said, sir, he saw me, and he said, don't make your family suffer because your ego
And the veins of my father's side of his neck for like this, he's pretty red. I thought for sure he's going to punch the guy and then all of a sudden, his shoulders dropped like defeated. He took the groceries, he slammed on the ground slam the door, didn't even pick up the turkey and didn't say thank you or anything. And shortly after that, he left our family which to me at the time was the worst experience of my life I thought. And and so I was kind of obsessed with out trying to figure out why and I
Figure it out for a couple of years. I had versions of it in my head but not I use it in my life every day so I submit it to your viewers as well. These are the three decisions that I think everyone makes every moment first. You're doing it right now. What you going to focus on you can be focusing on my sentence story. I'm telling you, you've been focusing on. Next question, you're going to ask you could be focusing on how your stomach feels if you've not eaten. There's a million things you could focus on literally but we don't experience life. We experience the part of life we focus on and so
So the bottom line is, I know my father and I had a different experience because we had different focuses that absolutist knows food. You know what a concept? This is cool. He was focused on that. He had not taken care of his family, and I know that because, you know, he said it about 20 times under his breath and my mother echoed. And of course, the second decision, though, many you focus on something. Your brain has to decide what does it mean?
And meaning is what creates emotion and emotion is where your life is right? And so, the quality of life is the quality of your emotions. If you had a billion dollars in every day, you're pissed off and angry. Your life's quality is called pissed off and angry. If you got three beautiful children, a husband or wife, you love, but you worry all the time your life is worried. You know. So his focus and then his meaning that was the worst part, the mean he gave it was that he was worthless and didn't belong here and that
That usually leads to the third decision. Which is what he going to do and like if you think the meaning is something happens, you say this person is dissing me and disrespecting me, or is this person challenging me or is this person coaching me or is this person loving me? If you think they're dissing you you're gonna have a very different emotional reaction than if you think their coaching you were loving you. And then of course that's going to change what decision you make is. If you're angry going to make a different decision that if your playful or generous or whatever the case may be. So,
So those three decisions control our lives. But so your viewers or listeners, I give them an opportunity. Take a look at it because there's some patterns that you can make some simple patterns and change your whole life of focus. So the first one is and I'd ask you two questions for you. One. Chris is what do you think? Most people's answered this question is and the other is what yours if you're getting ready to play. All right for it's real simple. We all have a pattern of focusing on what we have and a time zone What's missing?
Which one do you think? Most people spend more time focusing on what they have or what's
missing? What's missing?
What do you focus more on
What's Missing? Yes,
it isn't. Something that comes the focus on What's Missing, is not something that comes with someone who is a failure. It comes very much with people who are very successful in the question. Then becomes, if you always focus on missing, how can you sustain
happiness?
You're in a permanent place of lat,
that's correct. So scarcity, is there. So you have drive right? To keep staying on the hamster, wheel of achievement, but you're not going to see much fulfillment. And I didn't assist a noble way. It's impossible and has nothing to do with you or me, right? It's just software and we got a soul, we're not software, but you run your software, so off. And you start thinking your mind, is you versus my mind is a tool that I'm going to use, or if I don't use it, it's going to use me. So the majority of people do that and by the way, during Colvin that number explode,
It because so many things were taken from people. They were constantly focus on What's Missing and that produces nothing but
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wisdom, second question. I think I know your answer this one, which you tend to focus on more? Would you think most people focus on more what they can control, or what they can't control? And then, which one do you focus
more on? I think most people would probably focus on what they can't control.
I'm an even balance, I would say, between the two, I'm working quite hard to
Traverse a you strive as part of your philosophy right to focus on what you can control, right? So that's the part of the stoicism of philosophy of stoicism, right? So, but most people, you're absolutely right now my seminars, it's different because I got fifteen. Twenty thousand people ask that question and the that vast majority of them, say their focus on What's Missing. But the vast majority and say, they do focus on what they can control us. Why they came why
They spend their money and time. They want to take control their business, or their body, or their relationship with the case may be. So they have a different belief structure. If you have both of those out of whack, you got some real challenges. Most people have at least one out of whack which creates stress. And then the third one, and there's many more than these, which is quickie for the people at home, and I'm asking them to do this for themselves. If they want to, where do you tend to focus more your past, your present or future? We all spent all three, but where do you spend more of your time? What do you think most people do? Where do you?
Hmm, I guess most people just not the present.
Perhaps dreams for the future for me, I would say mostly in the future as well.
Yeah, and that's where most Achievers live. We do have to discipline myself not to do that because what makes you an achiever is anticipation. You've learned by a long time and to spacious power. As I'm listening, I'm watching you. You're anticipating your processing,
right? Dopamine's a hell of a drug?
Yeah. Yes it does. And it gives you a sense of control and there's, you know, also, if you don't anticipate, it's like taking a playing a video game against the child. Now, you're a different generation.
So you might kick the child's ass. I don't know, but my generation I didn't play any video games so if a child you know, is your your nephew or your niece, or your for your grandson granddaughter, or your son or daughter, and you give them a gift, let's say, of a playing a video game, you give a new video game for Christmas or your birthday? What's first thing to do? Will it come play with me? Pops complete with me. Uncle complete. No, no. I don't do those things. I'll let me show you so easy. Boom. Boom, boom, boom, three shots. Boom, boom. They're going great. So some part of you finally says, I'll show this little bastard. Something, here. I'll go ahead and do this thing here.
Fine, give me this thing but you should know you're being set up when the kid says something to you. Like you go first. And so you go and you, boom, boom, boom. And you're dead in four seconds, right? The kid goes not bad for the first time, right? And then they take thing up. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom room. And 45 minutes later. Get your second turn right now. You're really pissed. Maybe you make it two minutes. The kid goes for another 45. Why does the kid win every time? It's because they're smarter faster younger. No, it's
They played this game before they can anticipate. The first bad guys here, the second bad guys. Here urine reaction, they're anticipating sort of tremendous power, so it's addictive when you learn to anticipate. And it's also a great skill set for business for life and so forth. I will help you be running a business. You always running two businesses, the business you're in, and the business you're becoming. If you only focus on the business, you're in someone's going to replace you. If you only focus on what you're going to become your grab the cash flow to be able to get to that place, right?
It's a very similar situation inside of where we are. So for each of us
Most of us who are Achievers. Tend to focus on the future but all the joys and present, right? You can have some anticipation of future and be excited about you can most people stress comes from either the past or the future, the majority people spend a lot of time with the past, right? And the problem is, you can't change it and and you can use it as a reference to me and maybe for you. I don't know my project. You probably come a long way in your life as my guest from love Island. Modern wisdom, that's quite a journey.
Tell me about some kind of can't believe that you did that bit of research, that was the thing that you dredged up. But yes. Yeah. The, the typical trajectory from love Island to this podcast. So, yeah,
there we go. So there's been some growth in your psychology, Little Spirit, your soul to say the least re. So the contrast of remembering where you were and who you become is probably a beautiful thing, but if you use it that way, but most people go back and they ruminate about the past, or they ruminate about a future that they can't control in the presence there. So the goal
As ideal as fuel, ideal fuels, a combination of the to present. It gives you that sense of grounding and anticipation for the future. They build it bounced back and forth is the ideal for people. So are you an example to wrap this up? Do you know anybody who has asked this one? I have an audience, giant audience, how many of you will say know somebody who takes antidepressants and they're still depressed. Yes. Yes now you saw the room raised their hand. How's that possible? Because first of all two years ago they did to Medicine
Eddie's on the cover of Newsweek and it said, ssris do not work sugar pills work as well as
ssris dancing. Dancing to music was more effective like some huge
margin. Yeah, you rather study yeah, we're still giving everybody doesn't make any sense, alsa classes just but it's just you think of the insanity of that I've has continued to do. It doesn't make any sense. So I think, you know, your question is really focused on getting back to the focus. I think if
Make the right decisions. The first one is what we're going to focus on and that's just a habit. You change anything take that person. Why is that person depressed still? Because all that drug does is numb, you and numbing doesn't deal with the issue. What's the real issue? You're constantly focus on What's Missing versus what you have your focus on what you can't control and there's two worlds, right? The external world, the intro. Well, we can't control the external world. We can influence it. We can't control if you think you're in control, your have deep illusion. I went to Mexico recently, you and I were talking off the air and I discovered I could even
Fully control my bowels. It's not something I want to talk about this, like all the willpower in the world doesn't mean squat. No pun intended, right? So it's partly can control is what's going on inside of us and that we can control what we focus on, we can control the meaning, we can decide the meeting where the meaning makers and we can decide what to do and when we do make those three decisions weren't role of our life and all the anxiety and bullshit tends to go away. Especially if we're trying to do that to serve something more than ourselves. Not like, you're so unselfish, you're not going to succeed.
Because you can't serve something more than yourself and not benefit. All right. So it's like it's not like you're sacrificing, you know the people that play that game, it's not a sacrifice. It's like philanthropy you know I hear people talk about what plans to be. Well friend of mine the other day was on an airplane and somebody's reading, I said my book, you had treated me, it was life force and for some is really into it. He said, what are you? He's known me for 45 years. And he says, what do you think of that book? I know it's incredible, the stem cells and this, you can't believe the breakthroughs, I don't know why.
I wouldn't know about this. And what do you think the author? All he seems like a really good guy and he donated all the profits to feed people because it goes, Percy's, totally Rich. So, I mean, I mean, it's easy when you're rich right? And my buddy turns to him and he said, well what if I told you that I knew him since he was 17 years old, 45 years ago and that I remember when he had $20 to his name, there's a guy in the street and he gave him ten bucks. And told me that the time to give is when you don't have it. And he said, and I watched him build that all the way out there, he taught me that if you don't
You have a dime out of a dollar. You're not going to give 100 million out of a billion, right? And it's like people look at things and they make their focus something like oh I'm sacrificing or I'm going to do philanthropy because you know I'm rich. No you do philanthropy because it's a source of kindness and love philanthropy can be your attention. Let's begin your time plant. They can be a buck 50 bucks philanthropy going to your in line with people and Starbucks and you, you know, I remember doing this research, I couldn't believe it. If you buy
five people, you don't know their coffee, you get a biochemical change that has a lot more lasting impact than most things, you could purchase for yourself instead of including large purchases. So, it's like it's intelligent. Selfishness is the truth. You can't possibly do good and not feel good. You want some self-esteem, do something worthwhile Beyond just
yourself. The reflective glow of doing things. Something for everybody else is, yeah, it's an odd. It kind of makes it difficult to be selfless. When you're actually thinking that way like,
I have been at the most selfish thing you can do is to be self that there is truly nothing that is particularly selfless, right in that way yet, just dig in a little more for me. I'm really interested in in framing in how important framing is around being a little bit more positive in our lives. And that second step, I understand changing what you focus on we've spoken about on the podcast about mindfulness about meditation. About the mindfulness Gap about controlling where you place your attention about the reticular activating system and all this sort of stuff. I think the Second Step the story
that you tell yourself about what you're looking at. Even if you've started to control, I'm going to begin to focus a little bit more closely that framing the story that you tell yourself. It's a place that an awful lot of people get stuck. So what do you rely on? When it comes to that,
when I rely on? What do you mean by
that? In terms of a strategy, how is it that you try to tell yourself the best framing? The best perspective, the best meaning that you can.
Oh I think you know, there are when you think about framing, I look at framing as 33 like all pre Framing and reframing and D framing. Most people are familiar with reframing
Reframing is you came up with a meaning and it's not so good. And so now you're going to change it or you want to do is someone else, you're going to influence someone and they have this negative frame and you're going to reframe them. That's a lot harder than pre framing. Pre framing is Mom, I'll tell you the sample strike. Make it simple pre family is telling somebody getting someone to focus on something known in advance what you're going to focus on and giving you 2, meaning in advance before it happens.
It's a lot easier than after it's happened because after tapping, you have a meaning locked in to some extent, especially if it's something that's painful. All right? So, I'll give you some plastic example. I remember one day I went and I live in San Diego, California, and I have a helicopter. And I was flying up to LA and I love flying and that morning. I got out and there had a couple cars to choose from and I chose this little Corvette, I had in those days. When in my hair, I'm going to fund. I drive, I fly to LA and I did this TV show and land on the roof of so much fun and you have to go to the airport and flew back.
And I was just like a need for you having a blast, you know, it was actually Bill Maher. When he used to do his program up in LA and and then I got in the car you know, and it's getting dark and I'm driving and and sure enough. Oh no, I'm incorrect about think the last minute I traded out that car. And that's right. My wife needed the car so I traded out for the BMW 750il. Why does that matter? So I'm driving home the helicopter ride, that's not dangerous. I'm on the road a long winding road from
Report to the main freeway area and I come to stop light and I'm I'm on the phone chatting as I'm waiting and on the speakerphone and also that these lights are coming really fast and really fast and so then I get so fast. I was like oh my God is this guy going to break? And before I could finish thinking the thought at 65 miles an hour, they hit me from behind. He fell asleep at the wheel, right? So I remember everything in slow motion, you know in those days they had to let you know your tape deck in there and it went flying past my head and slow motion and I mean everything.
The changes when you're in that kind of experience. I'm sure if you've ever experienced, you know what I mean? And and all I remember is waking up and the fire people. Extracting me out of the other side of the car and they're like, I want to take me to the hospital, I was like nah, I'll see my chiropractor in the morning and then I woke up this morning. I couldn't move, it's pretty rough. But the reason I tell you this story is eventually I got well and I knew go buy another car. Well I never have the criteria before of safety but that car is the old woman told me that car saved your life.
Literally if you know it wasn't the Corvette would have been just as well. It wasn't to kill that. Ya know, just as well. I wouldn't be here for silk
ribbon wind in your hair, but your heads on the Tama,
it's exactly right. So why tell you that? So I go looking for a car. So I thought, you know, this BMW those damn good car but I want to another sports car. I'm gonna get another 750il, but let me go to sports car to place that Corvette. That, you know, man wants something that's dirty and so forth. So the guy took me when I was 325 eyes, whatever they would call in those days. I forget what it was, you know, stick shift. And I see, he said, young help. He got me in the car and he said now,
For we go out. I want to tell you I'm going to take you on this winding road. It's amazing. And you know these are the ultimate driving machine. He said it's not like your 750il your 750il you don't feel the damn thing. He goes when you get in this car and you shift into it, he goes wee drop until you feel the wheels catch into it and grab it. He said you'll see this is the ultimate car so what's he doing? He's right reframing me because we're going to go through a construction area that's all beat up, right? It's snowing for the construction area and it's 750 I would have felt anything.
Right? Just Bloom smoother but it still did any and it's bouncing around and even though I know what he just did, my parents like hat is really digging in, you know, if you try to tell me after I've done that, I would have that's a piece of crap car because he pre-frame me. So I pre-frame myself and the way I do, what I call priming it familiar with the principal private, right? So most of us think we're having our own thoughts. Most of our thoughts have been primed by the environment. So an example would be they did a study at Harvard.
When they took four actors two men, two women, they had a horse doing the exact same presentation and you'd be in a mall or coffee shop or something and they'd walk up to you and they had a coffee in their hand and they go could you hold this for me for a second? And then they look down, they don't wait for you to say yes and 98% people take the coffee and they take out their phone to something. They say thank you so much and that's the whole interaction but they rehearse the same facial expressions, the same movements. Everybody's the same. They go out and they do this one variable.
Half the people that give him hot coffee, half the other people, they gave iced coffee.
Fifteen minutes later. Somebody comes by with little check board here and they go, excuse me. I have $20 here. There's no scam here. We have this really important study, Wonder a tight timeline. Would you give us one minute of your time for, for $20? You just read these three paragraphs of the Sterling answer. These two questions correctly, read the story. And then the question is, what's, how would you describe the main character of the story? How he described?
Well interestingly the people that give it a hot coffee, 81 percent said the person was warm and genuine the people give a nice coffee said, the person was cold and uncaring and it's the exact same story. The exact same ratios, 81 versus 80%, just give you an idea. All he did was 15 minutes earlier have something that framed them as you would say, right? So it happens all the time, it happens, you know, if they did a study where they took IBM and they took apple and they did
Little creativity tests for someone and they did two things. They'd have them look at the IBM logo and then take the test or the Apple logo, and then they did their commercials and a commercial for apple. Back. In those days, it was think differently, right? 22% higher score. If they looked at either, the Apple logo or the commercial on the exact same test, no other criteria difference to give an idea. So you can, you can test so many things in this area, so I get up every morning on my first discipline, you know? I'm not a meditator per se.
Say I don't, I don't know anybody good at not having any thoughts, but I thought I want to pry myself, that's my goal. So I do a breathing pattern like a, you know, Breath of Fire type of think it changed my physiology for just two minutes, and then I do three things and I do it for just 10 minutes because my view is, if you don't have 10 minutes for your life, you don't have a life and I want to, I want to pry myself. So whatever comes into this world, I have the best chance at handling it really well. And I'm training my
Persistent. What's the emotion? I want to trade gratitude, why? We all know the two emotions that destroy your relationship. Your business, your life, it's fear and anger. Those are two extremes. You can't be grateful and fearful simultaneously, you can be angry and grateful simultaneously. So what I do is I start my day. I make those changes and I close my eyes or I look out at the water and I think of three things I'm grateful for for just a minute each but I don't think of it like over there. Like if you've ever been on a roller coaster,
I asked you, what it's, like, some people remembered over there. No, I remember. Like I'm in the front seat going over the edge because then you get the Authentics biochemical changes. So I'm there and I do too strong things and usually, one simple thing, like the wind in my hair or my daughter smile or something of that nature. So I don't just get wired for own unbelievable things. But that, that primes, that nervous system. And then the second thing I do is I take three minutes and it's kind of like a blessing or a prayer for the people around me for the people. I love, I start clothes. I send it out there and just
A lot of studies I'm sure you've read that Dali Lama and others have done on compassion for strangers, what it does to your brain. And so I do it every day. And then, the last three minutes I call 32 Thrive where I focus for a minute, each on something I really want to make happen, but I don't sit there and pray for it. Hope for it. It's like, I give, thanks for it. Is, it's done. I see it as then I experienced. It was done. I wire my reticular activating system. I can speak in shorthand to you about this. So now, it's going to notice anything that relates to that, but it has a joyous feeling to it as well, and I'm done in 10 minutes.
And I'm ready to rock and roll. So then I do my cold plunge and I, you know, I do open up the parts of my normal daily ritual. But that one I do and then I'll have like, 60 seconds, you know, of Joy or 60 seconds of peace that I'll do middle of the day, and I'll just think of one of those things if I want to reactivate it. But that pre frames me
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mmm. But then I also have certain beliefs. We all had beliefs that pre-frame you or not and one of the core beliefs that developed over the years was just that I think everything happens for a reason. I think there's a higher purpose. I
It's my job to find it. I think that life happens for us not to us but it's our job to figure it out. A lot of times, it feel like something's happening to me. So I give an example. It's like not being fed as a child, you know, I've fed well 10 years ago, I decided I'd been feeding people my whole life since I was 17 to people for a tie build up, a couple million people a year, my Foundation said two million, I said, two million and I was writing this book, money Master, the game and I'm interviewing right now, you and Carl Icahn him.
Warren Buffett. And you know all these multi-billionaires and Congress had just cut food stamps which they call the snap program. Now my six billion dollars means every family to have to give up a week's worth of food and less people like you and I showed up. So I call my team and I said, how many people are fed my lifetime and they said 42 million and I was like, wow I didn't I was thrown it wasn't the number I knew and I said what if I did that in a year?
What about as much as I've done in my whole life in a year, 50 men. And what if I did, let me get 100 million. What if I did a hundred million a year for 10 years and did a billion meals? And I did an eight years of partnership to feeding America. And it's like when you do that, when you, when you produce a result, that seemed impossible, then what's next gets even bigger and even more available, I just expands your pre framed to be able to do even more versus reframe. And so, so now because of the war of your
I mean, most people don't realize it's the Bread Basket for Africa. So there's about 11 Nations on the verge of famine. You'll never hear about in the news, no one cares and then you need fertilizer 50s on the world supply of world, food supply comes fertilizer. The WF doesn't want you to use it because the environment, but you need it, and it's in Russian. It's been cut off. So I talked to dr. Laura to Governor David. No, David Beasley head of the world food programme. Brilliant guy. Actually in MBS put us together one day. So
You to feeding the most people. I know and put you together and I said, how big is the problem. He said, Tony normally you in a position where, you know, maybe there's, you know, eight million people that are in the verge of starvation. It goes this year, it's 350 million and he goes, and no one's doing about it. And I said, so, why don't we how many meals would we need over the next 10 years to make the transition? To we get sustainability. He said, you need 10 years as a, where would it be? And just, I don't know, Tony made 50 60, 70 billion meals, as let's do 100.
Billion meal Towns over the next ten years. I said I did a billion. I wasn't a billionaire when I started. I said you're going to get blessed by doing these things. I'm showing a fine 99 other people somewhere in the world to do this. And when I went to do it, I was shocked because I had prepared myself, this would be easy, right? I went to somebody about mentioning names, he was a brilliant philanthropist. A beautiful man who's helped me when I did my billion meals and he said, well Tony. How is that going to? Cause I saw it cost me about 100 million bucks over ten years. You know, you're doing, you're doing
Million meals a year for 10 years and this guy's worth about 20 billion dollars. And he said to me, that's beyond my paygrade know. So I had to kind of re-evaluate, but because I kept pre-frame myself, this is a must, this is not a, should it's not a reframing job. I just came up with a different plan. I'm really proud to tell you. We did 30 billion meals, we just announced and our first two years and we are on track this year to be at 60 billion and what seemed like an absolutely impossible to ask. Is there there is another scope sight spree Framing and reframing D framing.
Framing is when you destroy the frame of reference. So in business, you know, one of things you have to know is like, I believe it's my privilege of serve people but I also believe it's their privilege to be able to learn. That's not an ego thing, it's just like it's a mutual privilege. Meaning I got to earn the right to be able to serve you and you got to be a reasonable person from you. Want to serve you to and I made a change in one of my events is like 20 years ago and and wantings idea. It is it was a 14 day program, in the world changed and
So we brought it down to 10 days, I think it was 12 days to 14 in those days and I had some open days with some stretches and things was a very intensive program but I'd like I need to make it tighter so people can commit the time and come and I figured out how I'm going to add, even more value. I'm going to make this even more useful. So I did and there's this one woman who went crazy and she started attacking me and called my office is up and said, I want my money back and I'm going to tell everybody else. Tony Robbins is screwing us and everything else.
And my team is all freaked out. I said no no no I said fire her. I said what I said fire her as a customer I said you call her because it's not her first event, she knows how incredible things are. She wouldn't come into this 14-day event while Day event. I said, if she's going to say that first, I'm happy to give her money back on. We have money back guarantee on everything so I give her money back and say we want to give me back but want you to know you can never come to an event again because you're no longer one of our customers because you know better, you know, Tony always adds 10 times the value, right?
Long story short, this lady starts fighting to stay on. There might Staffing believe it, right? Because you do frame to you took away the frame of reference. You destroyed it, right? And so know you understand, no, I have a right to come know you know you know I have to earn your respect. I got to deliver for you. You got to live with me to. You're not, you're not a customer anymore and you can't come here. The lady it was in Hawaii. She flew to Hawaii and demanded to see me is the program's going to start. You have to let me in this program, right? I said, if you want to get make a public apology for
Done. I said that makes up the will to me I said that you knew better. You just did this to get attention and I said so I bought back your seat and I told you to send us any of your friends that want their seats back as we need to see it's, we really did right? And so that was the end of it. It might hit gave my lesson to everybody on my team. I try to teach it to business owners, like not, everybody's your customer, I'm not the right person for everybody. I know you're the right person for everybody. We have unique styles are approaches and
And so we're not here to try to please everybody. We're here to try and serve the people that are really interested in being served so pre-frame reframe and D Frame as frames of references. But I think pre-frame is the most valuable and if somebody wants to learn to do the priming, you go to Tony Robbins.com forward slash priming. There's no charge for it. There's a video. I'll guide you through it. If you want to
try one of my friends used to work in a retail store and he observed one of his bosses do something that was kind of interesting with the D framing thing. So somebody had
Up and the been some sort of an issue. I think with the way that one of the members of staff had given them clothes that they were trying on something else, something had occurred, but the customers completely at fault, it was all them and they came over to the supervisor and said, this is a problem. And it get this is I need to speak to the manager and the manager immediately one-upped and said, tell me exactly who did this. I'm going to get them fired on the spot and this person immediately, the completely flipped what they were thinking. And he turned to my friend afterward, he said only one
persons allowed to be in the angry boat.
It's great to breaks the pattern. Exactly. And that's all really is ripe. Changing. The frame is breaking the pattern. Correct. But easier to break the fountain before it starts.
Yes, Mom. Yes.
And then, by the way, it becomes you train, you're nervous. Your neurons, you're training your nervous system to think that way,
it's the ruthless thing about habits, right? That the Matthew principle of to those who have more and more will be given to those who have less more will be taken as true. And yet the, you know, you've worked with how many people have you serviced in.
Now, as you
know, well I think in Live Events we've had I think it's 15 million people total because, you know, I've done these big ones like you know, where do a million people at a time. Now, some of these events, it's insane.
So books, live events in person online audio courses. What have you come to understand about the things that can be achieved from people in a group context, that may be can't be achieved through self-directed learning?
I would, I think
anything of it done anything to be done by self-directed learning. Personally, I just think it's accelerates when you create an environment where maximizes, so, you know, low energy. You get have a frame, you may just screw this massively, you get in your head, you're dead. I think when I say, you have to have a head and heart connected, right? It's like why don't people transform because they're in their head about it? They're thinking it through, they think that if I understand this then it will just
Happen, it's absurd. You know, if you're good at something, you've trained it into yourself. You know, I'm fortunate enough to own several sports teams or pieces of sports teams and I have Championship drinks. All these Sports, you know, I want to be an athlete. So I relived in a different way but you know, the Golden State Warriors won. Once I have a piece of and I got a chance to work with them, their Championship Seasons, work with a player since Ben, tolling fun. But like you look at something like Steph Curry and you see this guy, you know, just shoot the ball from almost half court, chomping on the side of his thing and he turns it doesn't
Look, he turns around and just waves because he knows it's in already and it's swishing. The Crowd Goes Crazy and people look at that and go, oh, he's lying, he's humble is, he's unbelievable. This is unbelievable. Is the best. Three-point shooter in history. There's no one like him, but what they don't pay attention to us that isn't like a little gift, right? He shoots 500 shots every single day. Never less than that seven days a week. For more than 15 years, his 15-year professional career, he's been doing it since before he was in college, is Dad really trained him. So think of that.
At 3500 shots a week, 168,000 shots in a year, two point five, two million shots in his 15-year, know NBA career. So we can make 3600 shots not even one tenth of one percent.
I tell people you get rewarded in public for what you practice in private your training of your nervous system to do things is what really matters most and you can't just be in your head. So I believed answer your question. You know, the reason I still do events is that an event provides first of all immersion, you can learn a language a little bit at a time and you know, you ask most people unless they live in a place where they have to use the language and they learned another language in high school and college.
Speak anymore. They don't remember 10 words. But if you wanted to learn Italian and you have the time and money, I just drop you in Italy. Drop you in Rome and pick you up for months later. There's a zero question. You're going to speaking Italian because you're seeing it feeling a breathing doing it. So that's why I do 12 hours of time for days and people think it sounds insane but it's only insane. If you're not enjoying it and people love it. You may be able to get dragged there because we engage all their senses. Not just their head. And so when all your
Needs are being met simultaneously, time flies. It's like a minute can feel like an eternity when you don't like what's going on hours fly by when you real having great experience. So I believe the environment where we produce that much energy produces it. Now, when Cove it happened, you be a good example.
Suddenly, I'm used to doing stadiums all over the world and the first one I get, is a phone call from Gavin. Newsom, is office in California about to a program in San Jose, San Francisco for 14,000 people and his office calls and says, we're really sorry. You can put a hundred people in the stadium, we got 14,000 people, that's not possible. So my whole thing is, okay, screw that, we're going to Vegas, they'll never shut down Vegas.
10 days outside of a Vegas up and moving 14,000 people to go there. They shut down Vegas. So I'm like screw it. We're going to Texas their own country. The governor says he won't melt, he's not going to bend, you know. I got a friend in Houston, has a big church there. 14,000 people, perfect, we rent the place, two weeks out, they shut down there. I'll do it in movie theaters, 1400 movie, theaters will do this, where, you know, will put 10 people in a movie theater. That was what they limited us to but the table.
Big screen of Great Sound and I have some interaction. We're going to make this work and shut down the movie theaters. So I built the studio and I did somebody wouldn't have done it without necessity which was like, I need to reach people where they are right now because I don't how long they're going to be stuck at home. This is goes Way Beyond business. I got plenty of companies, plenty of money, but it's like, how do I serve in this time? It says like. Okay, I'm going to, I'm going to do a seminar with, there's no money involved because what's in the way Money travel because mostly people, you'll fly to another country to see me.
Kind of thing. And and even time I want to give them immersion but not enough that it's overwhelming to them. And so I set up this program, we're going to do three days, three and a half hours. Three hours each day, I go to a movie but one that changes your life and let's invite people from all over the world. And the first we have three hundred eighty three thousand people for instead of fifteen or twenty thousand people for seminar. And then second one was 600, then of next. So last year was almost one and a half million people and I know I want again this year and I'm
Super excited about this one. Who's I want to do a podcast that went get the word out because I do a lot of young men in your audience that are looking to create a meaningful life. Take things to another level and they may not know this is worthwhile or not, but they can come and do it from wherever they are. They can do it from their office or home and do with a friend, there's no charge for, it's not partially free, it's totally free. But those stories and examples that come out of it, when people get an environment like that, I give an example of just fun when those two, I saw him the other day. So gentlemen, Matt whoo.
Never Would Have Made It one of my seminars. Why? He's in bed? He weighs over 700 pounds. He's on oxygen. He can't leave the bed. Even go to the bathroom. He does it through tubes, right? Doctor says he'll never be off oxygen as long as he lives, but we're using Zoom as I'm interacting people, live all of the earth and the one thing I ask for is that I don't ask for money, but ask you to do an assignment each night and put it on Facebook and then I'm up all night watching all these because it's so compelling to see how people's lives are changing. So I saw this guy so I brought him on the next day.
He's in the bed, he's watching on the screen cuz it's free, and he's never go anywhere. He can do it, might as well make use of it. He got so inspired. He says, I want to get out of this bed. Doctor says, I can't do this. I said, well, let's chunk it. You know, one of the first steps first. We got to get some upper body strength. And I said, what do you got in here by? And he'd like this, like thinking, hang coats on. So I said we're going to start with that, right? So he's in bed, doing this little thing and I said, I tell you we're going to do, I said you're gonna sit down, you confront the timeline. But I said, if you can get this done in the next four months, we can get out of bed.
Go to the bathroom, making a new car. I said, I'll fly you to my event will walk on fire together by this experience. He's lost now. Over 300 pounds, 325 was latest number. He's inspired everybody in the community, that's there. He drives a car. Now, I fell in love with the lady and so I sent him my resort in Fiji, so I can go celebrate and everything else kind of completely different life. He would have never done that in a million years. So it's my way of saying, yes, I can bring the event to you, which I didn't believe before, you know, I didn't believe I could do that. But now I will start at 10.
I am, let's say in Florida here to do let's say afford a seminar that I'm going to do and we have people from 193 countries participating and we got 30,000 people instead of ten or fifteen or twenty thousand and it's already midnight and Sydney Australia and I go 13 hours. So they're going to be up from Midnight to 1:00 in the afternoon for 40 and we lose three percent of the people. So I found that that environment can can work as well because we've learned how to you know, when people go to a ballgame and they get shot.
The screen, we know how to keep it brief so engaged but I also get to see them Chris in their home how they live you know I get to see them with their dog and with their kid. I watch the sun rise and set a bomb still speaking. And what their level focus is where they go and I can call him. So John, what are you doing right there? I don't know the person's name and a live seminar, right? Like I jumps up you know and I have these giant screens. I built this 50 foot high building with 24i LED screens. .67 highest resolution the world. I can see every pimple and remove every everything on you. So that environment is more
More powerful to me than just self-directed but some people are self-directed. There's a screw you. I don't need that shit and I do it on my own. I believe that too. So a book or a tape or something is there but I find it accelerates The Experience massively because it's also it's like going to, you know, a game. And there's a thousand people in the audience or there's, you know, 50,000. I mean, there's emotions are contagious. Somebody yawns all, don't do that. You start to yawn right? You know, or somebody laughs and you start to laugh. So I love using that.
I as an
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Modern wisdom.
What does your pre-event ritual look like you talk a lot about energy about energy levels and I'm fascinated by how you get yourself into the space where you can deliver. I'm aware that you need to do to conditioning, you actually need to have this sort of base level of fitness and stuff like that. It's just, but the priming period in the build-up, to going to do one of these things. Can you take me through what that looks like?
Well, couple days in advance, you know, I'm about to do a 60-day program right now for business owners.
Small world. Why start to, I start to jot down my notes of the winter. Some things I'm most passionate about beliefs, I have right now that are currently alive in me. You know, I have 114 companies now, it's pretty wild. We do nine billion dollars in business. I have no business background. I learned just learned from brilliant people and learn the patterns, you know, that make things work. So I think what are the most important ones on learning experiencing? Now that I want to bring my review? What? I know fundamentally people need to know in those areas, but I start reading different articles and
Reloading myself up with some other entrepreneurs recent thoughts and then, and I'm doing all my physical training of course, which is very, very intense, right? So that I'm ready to go. 12 hours a day, 13 hours a day on stage and then the morning of I do my priming and then I have
the same process that we spoke about before. Just 10 minutes with a little bit of Copeland's. I spot these stuff
after over and then and then what I do is I get up. I have a little mind map of one of my outcomes. I'm not driven like a script. I have certain fundamentals that you learn to speak and
You speak them well and, you know, the impact it's going to have but they're all like deposits in the Bank of your life so that when something comes up you can pull from those. But then there's all the things that happen spontaneously that make it fun. So I'll lay out what I think the sequence of what I'm going to do is and then you get in the room and you feel people that all changes, but my last thing I do is quite honestly, just a prayer is like Use Me Lord and make this physical ritual of I shift my body pretty radically. And I go into this state, use me and then I get up on stage and and then I have this plan and plank.
Those are the mechanics and often work till 2:00 in the morning, with my team laying out, we're going to do and they all. Now they all know that just entertainment but I'll use a lot of it, but maybe not in that syntax because I feel it. And also that's makes it art, I'd be bored out of my mind. It was exactly the same every single time,
it's this balance between control and being in the moment you were saying before about one of the things that people want is this sense of control. And if I can plan very effectively in advance, if I know all of the different ways that this could go the different permutations. And if this happens, then I'm going to do that. And if that happens, then I'm going to do this.
And that never really happens that way. It doesn't at all. And I think that that's
what awakens your nervous system. I think to prepare, like, I could get up there at this point with my pinky and not prepared at all, but when people are asked my wife, what something about Tony that nobody understands. And it's like that. Nobody understands how intensely he prepares, because I absorb and like, I read people's for, who's a thousand of them, you know, I'm crazy, you know, because I know I'm not gonna member their name and everything else, but I remember the pattern, and when the pattern shows up with somebody, I'll know that patterns and important data from multiple people,
The room and I'll address it in a different way each time, but it makes it art when it's different. But, you know, my wife is a different approach. I admire her brush, I trust in God. After I've done all the work, she just trusting God and gets up and does it. I have feel if I work my ass off, now I've done my part. Okay, now come through me. Let's do this and and it tends to
flow. I love that reframe. I've never heard anybody use it before. I've heard someone say life happens to me or I happen to life, but life happens for me. Yes, is to me. Yeah, is a wonderful reframe.
I really believe it, but you got to dig for it snots,
not easy. It's going to be UND, right? Like wishing for confidence without competence is just illusion. You have no evidence to say that you can do this thing and maybe your wife sufficiently naturally. Talented /. She's being, she's channeling something else and some combination of the do you mentioned before about some of the challenges from childhood? It seems to me like you have a lot of forgiving to do or overcoming to do from childhood.
Difficult things situations that you've been through, how can people learn to better let go of their past in that way, I'm aware we've talked about the chip on the shoulder. You can be a good fuel but it's kind of toxic when used to look for a longer-term. A lot of people spend their time in the past ruminating. Yeah. What is a better way to let go of the things that you think we're unfair maybe you don't get to have closure about the maybe you don't get to have that final conversation with that Bully from school or your parent or carer or whatever the didn't treat you in the way that you wanted.
How do you say people should let go of the past more effectively
if you want freedom? If you value Freedom, you can't possibly have it as long as you play the victim role and even if you were physically victimized and you know my mom, I don't look at it that way she she was physically intense and you could call abusive. I prefer not to use that language because that also puts in that place. I never even told anybody about that experience until May 15 years ago. I was a now in New York and I was with this group of young African-American and
And some spanic kids, all had single mothers, all from really troubled backgrounds and I started talking to them about various things and I'm trying to get across. That biography is not Destiny. It was giving different examples of people but I could do. So you might remind read and look at this big tall white guy and he's wealthy and easy for him, right? So I told them everything things I never told anybody and every single one was crying her eyes out. I was going to but then I got them to see that like
None of that. None of, that is makes you who you are. None of that controls where you are in your life. I was like, if my mom had been the mother, I'd hope she'd be. I would not be the man, I'm proud to be. So and she did many beautiful things. But, you know, if I was a well-fed, kid, what I'd be providing 30 billion meals for people. When I work this hard to feed people that I'll never meet and never know. And whenever say, thank you to me, I'm not looking for no. I mean,
I'd love to believe I do. I'm a good person, you're a good person, but I would have had that hunger without that. So that's where that belief comes from. That's like life has been happening for me. I just, I don't know. I don't know if you can relate to this in my bed as you could and maybe your viewers or listeners. Can it's like if you ever had something happen in your life that was horrible and it was painful. You'd never want to go through it again in a million years. You wouldn't want anybody else to go through with that. You care about. But after five or 10 years, you look back and you say, I never want to go through it again.
But now I see the wisdom and I'm glad it's like, it's like, it made me care so much more, I made me so much stronger and made something in me more. I mean, I'm sure you can relate that can't
you. Yeah, for sure. I'm in the world in which something happens to you when you were younger. So for me school, wasn't that fun, quite heavily, bullied, quite alone, quite isolated. And at the time you kind of just get through it, you don't really realize it's just life, right? That's just childhood to you it. The what is water to the
Fish question. And then you grow up a little bit. You kind of realize heart, that that probably wasn't so good. That probably wasn't so healthy. And then you learn a little bit more about yourself and you start to realize, we'll look at all of the ways that I've had to compensate for that. Look at all of the ways that it's held me back. Look at all of the beliefs that I have about myself and and got away. If only, if only that hadn't happened, then I would be here or I would be there. And then you realize, well, the light side of all of that dark stuff is usually the stuff that I'm most proud of myself for that. So
the fact that you were maybe a little bit alone in childhood means that you're very self-sufficient. When you're an adult or the fact that you didn't have any data to support. You means that you have no concern about working on your own and continuing to take a bet on yourself so on and so forth. So you end up having this really strange Loop where you go from
Unconscious incompetence in that you've somehow been through something that you really hate to this sort of awareness of how its held you back to this awareness of How It's propelled you and then you have to get to this really difficult place which is. Okay. So this is a thing that I kind of wish hadn't happened and yet I'm grateful that it did. And it's a it's like a you know the idea of quantum superpositions. It's like it's like a psychological superposition that you need to hold in your head at the same time, you can't collapse it down into one. You need
To hold both of these things. It's like yeah, that's fucked. Like, that shouldn't have happened. I'm like, I really wish that that and had you have been able to see you. How do you at 36 have been able to see you at 12, you would have picked them up and give them a hug and said I believe in you and you don't deserve this.
But it needs to happen to you. If you're going to become the sort of person I
don't know them separate. Yep. I put them together and when you put them together, all you have left is the truth. And the truth is it had a higher purpose. It was meant to be. Now, I don't believe like everything's meant to be. I think situations are meant to be and then it's our job to choose how we're going to use them or be used by them. Right. I think that's the difference but I think I don't, I don't, there's nothing to forgive. I know there's nothing like, I people say this but you have so much to forget that.
Fatima gift another forgive. I mean, it's like, if I get to a deeper truth deeper spiritual to, With A Soulful truth, it's all like Soul contracts because they're all here for something more than ourselves. And it's not t realize that that you stop the childhood thing of I need to forgive people, or I need to, you know, maybe you want to think about what you want my mother, to be able to, you want them to forgive you for, you know, so you can make an apology because we all screw up, we all do stupid things.
Things we all do. Things were not proud of a different times. The secret is, do you do something about it? Or do you just ruminate or beat yourself up or pretend it? Isn't
there what that balance is really, really difficult you between turning pain into motivation and recognizing that it's that. So you're not denying that it's there but you're also not wallowing in it, but you're also not just using it as the only pain, but you're also realizing that you've had to alkalizer, Transcendence include it, and we'll bury and language, you know this, it's again, it's a delicate balance. And I think that this is, there's a few things in life and the older that I've got the older
Got 36. The, the more, the more I've kind of realized that a lot of a lot of realizations just come along for the ride as a byproduct of getting older. And we can do a lot of the things. We can read the books, we can go to the seminars. We can attend the online events and we can expedite some of these realizations. But there's some insights that are just hard won by time and some that's
true with. I think you're right about that, but I also think it can be accelerated by who spent time with. I've had the great privilege of having some
Great mentors. They're all 18 to 20 years my senior. So you know some I knew when I was you know, 20 and they were 40 and now they're 80 and then you know 82 83 84 and I'm going to be
65 is holding onto the coat tails in that
way. I know. But I mean because they giving me a look at the pathway of life, you know, we're not all the Same by any stretch, but there are certain fundamental things you go through. I remember some of them would tell me things, she only when you're 40, you're going to think this Aviles sounds like, you know, read between the shut up. You know your fault. You know what she's talking about but there was
Things that they were turned out to be really true. So, some of those you experience, but then once you've experienced enough of them, you have to wait to experience everything you can start to project. Wait a second here, there's some real deeper truth here. Yeah, and one of those I think is it's not hard. I'd invite you to consider, you don't have to hold both. The holding both is like the Peace of being afraid. That, if I really enjoy myself, I won't have the same level of Drive once you're a fucking achiever. You just kind of your, the drive is never going to leave you. It's just a matter of national
Now, you can do it more elegantly. If
you choose to and greet, you know? Yeah, there's a cumbersome, notice to doing it when you grip. Very tightly. Yeah. Yeah. This ease and Grace thing, finding my joy finding more fun learning to let go. That's something I'm really, really obsessed by at the moment. If your energy levels are a little low or if you're not performing in the gym or the bedroom, the way that you would like your testosterone levels might be a fault. One of the best ways to naturally increase your testosterone is with tongkat Ali and I first heard dr. Andrew human, talk about the really impressive effects that tons of research was showing
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And modern wisdom, a check out. I'm interested. You mentioned there about your, the amount of work that you put in reading these forms the preparation that you do for all of these different events. And, you know, even with the alchemy that you've done letting go of things from your past and the way that you've turned it into a version of you, that you're incredibly proud of. I'm interested in how much peace you have in life. Whether you would say that you are, how often you're able to access peace with all of the things going on
as the most peaceful.
Almost Happy stage of My Life by far. I look at things in terms of Seasons. I remember early 90s, I interviewed, I don't know if you've read the fourth, turning to read that book by chance know. Oh my gosh, please read it. I think you'll find it really valuable. I was working. I was coaching President Clinton and those days. I also coach. Gingrich I was on both sides of the aisle because I'm an independent, right? So I want to help both sides. So I left literally president and he had this book and I was reading about it was a
big thick book. It's what's the other one they have? It's it's basically 500 years of American History. Anglo American history and and it was written by the same guys who wrote the fourth turning and I asked him about it. He told me a little bit about the patterns of generations. That work was fascinating how it shapes history. I go to gingrich's historian and the same book was there and so I grab the book and then the fourth turning came out a little bit. After that, it was one of those throw away books United discounted. I love those books, you know? Because they're contrarian and I picked it up, it wasn't
Popular and I read it. And it's a book that basically describes that history has patterns and Seasons to it just like everything has season. So I look at it this way, maybe simply explain it is, I have five kids in five grandkids. I have a 50 year old daughter enough for you bout to be four year old daughter in a couple months. So I have quite an extreme group. And I think about my youngest daughter and my grandkids and evens for my kids, but most of them are adults now and I think like the world
It is changing so much, you know, nanotechnology obviously algorithms AI all the things that are coming, robotics the change. We're at the base of unbelievable transformation. We're going to see more change in the next five to ten years than in history of humanity. That's not an exaggeration. Well, there's gonna be a huge number of jobs that are disrupted from that and listen, you know, 200 years ago, 85 percent of America was a farmer, you know, now it's 4%, we feed the whole world because the technology, but that will happen over a long
Time we're going to see changes like some driving cars or several cities where they're operating right now, right? Uber's and so forth. How long is it going to take before every truck at every taxi will be there? Well, that means every Uber driver every Taxi Driver, who's gonna who's gonna hire a truck driver who took eight hours a day? You got to pay for the healthcare and they complain and I think I have some time and crash where you can have a 24-hour day that better insurance and you get to depreciate the asset. I mean these jobs are going well, that's
Eight million jobs in America. That's as many jobs as we lost in 2008 when the crash happened. So and no one's preparing for it. So I'm going to talk to a bomb about it. It's like you know this is coming. You know what goes well Tony you know I said is anybody got a plan? And we got to educate these people and this is going to be social disruption, right? He says well we've talked about you know you know you know the payments. What's it called? Ubi I said yeah but the Ubi it'll never be enough money because
The adjuster will be more and Ubi doesn't give anybody meaning
like the fascinating couple of studies that you probably called the came out in the last six months about that. It's really not good. No it's not the outcomes are really
really You can predict that but you don't have to brilliant scientist to figure that, right. It's like of human intuition
would have told you that. Yeah,
but the point is they said what's being done because well we think it's going to take a lot longer. It'll be fine. I mean it's not. So how do you arm yourself or your kids for a world of such change? You have to learn rapidly and so you need to
Three skills, you need skill. Number one, to be able to really recognize patterns. You're very good at that. I'm not throwing stuff your way. I watched a couple things you're doing and you do your homework and you recognize patterns you utilize them. You recognize them yourself as well. Makes I respect even more and you use that to improve yourself, right? But when people are fearful, when they have anxiety, it's almost always because they don't recognize the patterns that are happening. Because if you recognize the patterns, things are very predictable. What looks like chaos
As you just because it's not a been a pattern you've seen before. Like if you look at history as an example, he's like this is never happened. You know, your people talk about. We've never been this divided as a country and all the stuff is such bullshit.
I want to settle all but that it was a civil
wall, there was a civil war but you know, there's a lot of shit I brought down his it. Do you have that little, she can I try this? I just read you this because I thought it's entertaining. I show this in an event the other day. This is to placards from a photograph of the were reconstruction of them from Tom
Us are from John Adams versus Thomas Jefferson running for president, right? So let's see how divided they were placards. This placard says if you elect Thomas Jefferson murder robbery, rape incest and adultery will be practiced throughout the land. Are you prepared to see your dwellings in Flames? Your female Chasity violated or your children arriving on the Pike is what Adams put about Jefferson it makes like Trump's Hitler sound pretty, pretty kind, you know, most John Adam says
Excuse me, Jefferson says about John Adams. In the placard it says John Adams is busy importing Mistresses from Europe or trying to marry one of his sons to the daughter of King George. He's a hideous hermaphroditical character and I'm gonna force of firmness of a man nor the gentleness and Sensibility of a woman either our founding fathers, right? So it's like you're so full of shit. Like, when you say this has never happened before you you hasn't happened in your lifetime because the cycle if you
D, A Thousand Years of Roman history, which have done 50 years of Anglo American history. There's patterns that happen about every roughly 20 years, and the patterns are predictable. So think about this, this is why you want to learn this. If you can recognize patterns the fear disappears, second skill use the pattern when you know what the pattern is and you use it. Now you have Mastery of something. Now you can do better than most people in that area. So you know, I interview all these people, the best investors in the world are all different, but I recognize the patterns that are in common and when I'm done,
My billionaire clients, love it and the average person can learn from it because the patterns are fundamental. Right. You you if I want to learn the piano and the beginning, I have to learn, probably somebody else's patterns that have figured it out, that's how I learn. But if I use those patterns over and over again, I'll eventually get to, I can do the third skill, which pattern creation. Now you have an amazing life. Now you're not managing your circumstances, you are the creator of your life but you have to first recognize them so you're not in fear.
Here and then here's an example. When did Humanity transform from a fearful place as its primary base? Where we were hunter gatherers? Right. We're literally, how to move from place to place and you didn't know, if you're going to eat or survive, what change that to be a live in a community? And grow a community, a City, a state, a country. One pattern recognition seasons.
The day that we figured out that if I do the right thing at the wrong time I get nothing but if I plant this specific time in the spring and if I know I got to protect it during the hot summer, I'm going to reap in the fall and if I hang on to some of that I'll make it through the next winter that changed Humanity completely won recognition and most of us don't have that recognition this season. So here's a season for you and your audience to consider what season are you in right now?
Human life has four seasons if we want to call it that. As, as an over simplification 02:21 is Springtime, what do you know about Springtime? Is it hard to grow during Springtime? Things grow automatically in springtime. If you start a business in springtime, you're going to think you're the business, genius. No, you're just in springtime, everybody's optimistic things grow. Easily goes, goes goes, it's an overall theme. It lasts about 17 to 20 years on average and then we exhaust that emotion.
Like even good emotions, get exhausted you ever smile so much your face hurt. So it's like you need variety. So then we go into a different season, we go into the summer which test you it's hard it's more difficult and then if you make it through that time you get to reap and if you make it through that time you get to be tested again. So it's always, you know we get easy times and tough times. Why is that important? Well 02:21 is your Springtime, some exciting work at 7 or 8 years old but still protected if there's a
You didn't go to war, right? You have someone fed you most of the time you someone you're primarily being poured into education information so it's a pretty easy time. Then you go 21:22 242. That's your summer. That's your testing period And I think that's the period that you're coming to the, you know, the end of and a testing period, by the way, all the way. All the studies show, it's the most unhappy time in most people's lives because you start out feeling you're Invincible, you learned all this
F you like yeah I'm not sure I believe all this crap I was taught I'm going to go I'm going to just myself, I'm going to be pressing. I'd States a multi-billionaire and have 100 relationship simultaneously and everyone's going to be happy and you believe this shit right? Then by the time you're 35 you're like oh shit man, one relationship. I'm a hard time with and oh my God I got divorced or oh my God. I'm not president. Oh yeah, so you're not so Invincible it. Humbles you but it also makes you grow because that stage of some are your basic in the soldier of society. In fact, if we go to war back,
Who goes to war. 22:42, little bit younger, you get the frame. And then, if you're in business, you're the soldier. But if you're growing in those first two seasons, then you're going to enter your power face and your power phase is basically 43 to 63. And again, some people get there at 36, some people get there at some of the time but you get the range and in that range, it's like you can do more with your pinky and get it done. Then I'm sure you've experienced this in your life. My to with then, when I work 22 hours a day and I still do
Trying to our day but not run. 114 companies not to you know, and and I do nine billion not 100 million. You know, it's it's it's a different game. And so, and it's, and it's very rewarding and it's when you really enter your power as a person. If you worked hard in the spring in the summer, then you reap in the fall. If you didn't, You Weep in the fall, right? Then eventually I can tell you this because I'm better now and I never would have believed it. So on a plant, the seed, to the possibility and my
Friends. I'm going to say out there who are also young man that think that's mostly your audience when I could see who are driven and hungry and want to be their best selves and don't want to settle.
That stage is the wintertime as basically, say 63-64 284 to 104 and 120. If you have that privilege of living, that long, the oldest living humans, and it's a stage where it is incredibly peaceful. If you've done the job in the beginning because you know who you are, you're no longer trying to prove it to yourself, you no longer. Hang it onto the Duality, you described earlier and you know give a shit that's like
You know, it's like Aristotle said, you know, how do you not be criticized? Say nothing? Do nothing be nothing, right? And you're like F at, right, you know, I know who the hell I am and it's like, I'd love to serve everybody. It's not gonna be right for everybody. I'm totally fine, but you're not trying to prove it all you really want to do is serve. So I used to have these giant mission statements, change the world, all these things, and I do all those things, but now it's like my mission statement. How can I help? You know, and I get calls every day of my life somebody's got cancer, or tumors, or whatever because of, you know, I've not so much expertise in there because I've interviewed the best on Earth.
150 of them or someone comes to me with a business thing or something a relationship and or it's an athlete. And so, along with what I do formerly and when I go to a my businesses, I have all this that's happening. And then I have my family and like, you know, you have friendships that have 40 years old, 45 years old people, you've done business with the 30 years if you've done it right and you love them and they love you. So when you love at that stage, you love
You know, you love who you're with, you love what you get to do? You start to actually love yourself a little bit and then and when I say love yourself meeting like your kind of yourself because just like, you're not in that game of still trying to prove it. So if I could magically take that stage and bring it to someone in their 20s, I would do so. So what I try to do instead is paint them, a picture of what the path might look like and that they being an overachiever could anticipate the next PATH. And maybe perhaps spend less time in the
Struggling phase. If they know what's coming anticipation as opposed to reaction in that area.
Johnny Olsen. I appreciate you, man. What should people go? They want to keep up to date with the events that you've got coming up and yes, and everything else. Well,
there's an event coming up that I do once a year, I told you about when covert happened and I created this new way of doing what we do. We still do Live Events obviously. But once a year, I now do that for free, I do it for 3 days. I'm doing my next one, January 30th, 31st and February 1st, and it's about three hours a day. So like I said, think of it, like going to a movie.
Once a day for three days, but it's your life. And instead of making New Year's resolutions that no one follows through on, it's really about creating a path and a plan and some of that transformation we're talking about and it's really powerful. So there's no charge. It's not partially free, it's free. So you can go to time to rise. Summit.com time Bryce, m.com, get yourself enrolled. If you do it at the office, you do with some friends or at home and it's just, I'd love to be able to serve them and see what happens. And if they want to know about other seminars and things, we're on social media and a Tony Robbins, or Tony Robbins.com.
I can't tell me, you're great. Thank you so much for had I met, let's do this again
soon. I look forward to it. Thank you very much
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