The Truth About Self-Worth

Hello everyone and welcome to the latest episode of my ongoing dialogue with the master truth-seeker himself, Kapil Gupta. As you know, we have been using these conversations as a platform to go deeper on the issues that you told us have been most relevant and most useful to you. And as we kick off a new year, we want to turn our attention today to the topic of self worth and self awareness and can peel I want to start I want to jump right in I want to start with a broad question that so many of us deal with all the time. It's this notion of being good enough.

From where you sit right now, how come so many people feel that? They just don't measure up in whatever domain personally or professionally.

I think the the rules and the standards and the the litmus test and the parameters and the criteria that one uses to judge one's self worth and that constant comparison of where one is there some verses where one should be and the beliefs and the Notions and the ideologies and the conditioning that exists within a household or within a workplace or within a with an arena of sports and all of those messages stored in sort of stand as a big comparison chart.

A big standard against more against which one judges where one is and naturally when you have that everyone is going to sort of feel that they've come up short. I think self worth is in many ways. It's a it's sort of a chasing that ghost because

You know a human being doesn't really know who he is. So as a result he had an image and that image is based upon his experiences and what he has been told and what he has accomplished and what he has failed at and all of those go into that equation of making that self-image and forever and ever and ever and ever read individual spends his entire life trying to can prove upon that self-image towards a quote better self-image something that is considered to be more in keeping with what Society wants and what is deemed to be successful and what is deemed to be more healthy and appropriate and correct and wherever you have rules you have problems. So it is it is it's inevitable that self-worth is going to be an issue because wherever there's any type of image that image can never

So if we let me unpack that a little bit, let's start with this whole idea of comparing oneself or one's business with competitors or with other people. What is your view on that? Do you do you never do that? Do you never look at yourself, Kapil Gupta and compare yourself to anybody else?

no, no, I you know, I think that the bar in this world is actually very low the number of individuals in any domain who are searching for the truth is so minuscule that it is almost practically non-existent and in a more worldly example, you know in I think in the last podcast, I think you would ask me something along the lines of you know, wouldn't it be great if I don't remember the exact thing but really if everyone, you know was the type that went all out to get something and my answer was no it wouldn't be because that actually allows for the person who's actually willing to go even a little bit all in

To jump Miles Ahead everybody else everybody else, right? So so so the bar is actually very low everyone is basically in the same place and when someone has even a little bit of authenticity even a little bit of sincerity even a little bit of true desire to know the truth about one's domain completely jettisoning the status quo, then he becomes a superstar.

So comparison with others you're really comparing against people that you shouldn't be comparing against what you know, you're almost you're almost begging for a regression. So I don't think anybody should compare against anybody. I think that competition is the road to mediocrity.

But couldn't we all learn something from people? Who are that minuscule top that you're talking about?

I think I think that's a very theoretical thing that couldn't we learn something. Nobody really wants to be forced into learning anything if someone wants to learn something or if someone is moved by something, then it was something within them that caused them to either want to learn or to be moved but I don't think it's of any relevance to say to to the to the public or to any people who shouldn't you learn something from that I think that's totally irrelevant. No, nobody wants to learn if they don't want to learn and telling them that they should learn is disingenuous because it will fall upon deaf ears, but what if I do want to learn and let me give you a specific example, let's take a younger and younger. I'm just talking about in tenure a young person who has

A CEO or senior executive of a fast-growing company. Is it is it does it serve her or him? Well to have experienced mentors who have been in his or her shoes and have built and continually grown companies like he or she is building.

Good question. I think there are definitely some tricks of the trade some some practical things that are Beyond books and journals and schools and real practical level things that one could in fact learn from someone who's been there. There is no doubt. The problem is that if we look at the entire picture no one will really stay in their own lane. In other words, if you have quote a mentor, which I know I don't really I don't really subscribe to mentors but imagine that you had a mentor and that Mentor had 12 really really poignant things and they were very small and quick little things that they could teach you that were of

practical value now if you could be absolutely certain that that Mentor would give you those twelve little things that you could Implement and that might save you some years and save you some money and save you headaches and your business then that is that's perfectly I think helpful and beneficial, but what will invariably happen

Is that once those 12 things are along with those 12 things will be a culture that will be fed into you by that Mentor you will be you will be subject to his recycled experiences. And so he will not stay within the domain of those 12 little things. He will he will invariably go into. Well. This is my philosophy and this is my X Y and Z and he will never stay within those 12 things. And so therefore in my opinion, I think that that mentors bring about I think in many ways more detriment than benefit because they will not be able to be so perfectly disciplined as to give you only what you need without giving you anything extra.

So if I'm that person and I have a board of directors and I have a board of advisors each has a role. How do you recommend that I get the best out of that group?

And so if your if your semi forced to to be subject to the input of those people then I think the most practical thing would be so as not to ruffle feathers and just so that you can actually remain independent while appearing to play a to be playing the game is to listen to what you want to listen to and take from it what you think will be a benefit to you knowing full well that the entire time the vast majority of what you will be hearing will be recycled information that will not be unique that will be very derivative that will be very status quo. And if from that as long as you have your tentacles on in your your your filter is on full blast, okay, it's wide open. Then there might be one or two things that you learn and take away and put in your pocket and everything else you can ignore.

But I but I but I don't I just don't subscribe on the whole I don't subscribe to the idea. You know, my father told me a long time ago when you buy a used car you're buying someone else's problems.

And I think mentors are abused cars. I think mentors have done whatever worked at if you have a superstar and who wants to be your Mentor or who or you have asked them to be mental that Superstar did not get there by way of technique.

Or mentorship take that Superstar had found things that by some alchemy worked for them. That's why I think it's a waste of time to follow Warren Buffett. It's totally it's such a joke. No one should ever be following these people these people do think that they're going to come out and tell you all of their secrets it is so it is so silly. Right? So these people are tend to be very introspective individuals. They tend to be individuals who truly want to know what others don't know and they devote their lives or their craft or to learn it. They don't operate by way of mentorship tips and tricks, right? So so git totally agree with you. Yeah.

So that's why I don't believe in mentors. I think that I think that true originality.

Is only given the proper space and the soil to grow when you are not bound by someone else's experiences and input when you do not know what you aren't supposed to know.

That's when you can create things. I think I think being naive and innocent is a massive advantage.

So if I'm not if I'm not learning from the Warren Buffett's of the world and I do totally subscribe to your the key point that you made there is of are they going to really tell you their Trade Secrets maybe a tiny component of it, right, but they're not going to get into the details. I'm with you on that. But if one of those individuals is somebody who has a direct interest in My Success meaning that person is on my board of directors. Do you still feel they won't really help me in a way maybe sharing with me things that they ordinarily wouldn't share with others.

Well, you know you are at you are asking a question through a particular lens you are asking what that meant is real because your people right now that are set limitations. Well, that lens is real from one perspective. You are only seeing the quote positive side length of cord positives, which is you are only seeing the side that might provide you benefits. You are not seeing the side that might provide you detriment.

So the only lens through which you're looking at it is I might get some information that might be useful. And is that true? Yes it is. And so why would anyone be against gaining useful information? Well, nobody in their right mind would be so what I am saying is that along with that useful information oftentimes, you'll be handcuffed because you'll be then getting the experiences that that person went through which may not be your experiences that that person may have been living in a different time or that minute that person may have had different interactions with different people. There are so many things. You see I look at things from the standpoint of what the ultimate possibility is and that ultimate possibility I think is far more related to innocence and freshness and starting from scratch. Then it is from following in someone else.

When was the last time you said to yourself after observing someone that that person is truly Elite Leah Moto Musashi.

Okay inspirational.

What what caused you and what what what we reveal a total Confluence of the a total Confluence of DNA? I mean here we have an individual, you know people who leave his house at the age of 13 and he goes into the jungle and he eats berries and drinks water from the river and day and night. He studies the mind and he studies the craft of swordsmanship and then he posts signs in the local in the local sort of provinces and say I challenge the greatest swordsman in this province and he steps out of this Vagabond individual in front of the guy who he challenges who was fully dressed from head to toe in sort of princely robes. Right? And he comes in his Wild Hair, you know, unkept, you know hungry and emaciated that individual and never loses a fight. I mean total and utter Devotion to craft with a

Complete and utter disrespect and dismissal for the status quo.

What is it? What is it? What is it take the ordinary person to get to that level of my car. I don't care about Ordinary People. What does it take to Jordan? And I think it is completely irrelevant to talk about Ordinary People. It is scraping the bottom of the barrel the masses go nowhere. It is irrelevant talking about them and this is a society which caters to the lowest common denominator. And that is why it creates greater numbers of lowest common denominators when it frankly should be doing the opposite.

And I totally agree with you. So what would you call somebody who is let's assume. It's an extraordinary person that you know or work with. All right, what does it take to get to that level of Mind strength and a lot of people ask when you say it? I don't think I don't version 2. Well, I don't think that's effective. No. I think the question would be the opposite.

I don't think it's about what is it take for this person to get there. I think the real question is.

The people who have the DNA.

To already be close to that who are sensitive to that who are sympathetic to that? How do those people not become ruined by a mediocre culture and society which will drag them down. That is the question. It isn't the opposite and what to take.

permission that we each give ourselves

know that the individual who lives on the fringes of society.

Who is brilliant in his domain who has never really fit in?

Who was always felt like this world was not really his home who does not quite mingle in society who has no interest in socialization who is completely devoted to his craft and yet at every turn is being told that he needs to be more sort of moderate in his views that person is searching for permission.

The precisely the way in which he is as wild as he is.

Is precisely where he should be evil.

And that individual needs to be given the permission that it is not only okay.

But it but your way of being should actually be celebrated.

And do not allow yourself to succumb to the status quo of this filth that we call Society.

So is that a life of constant experimentation?

That all you do every day just that every day. There is an experiment your you're experimenting in a fashion to get closer to that mental depth and and that mental framework that you're describing.

I would say that every single day I am.

In a journey to completely divorce myself from any inputs from my mind.

And when that inner critic never shuts up.

What type of conversations are going on in your mind when that continuous? Well that's on repeat that hey you're not good enough or you're not going to get to this level or you ought to do what this other person's doing. Do you ever have those?

No, those things will come up anymore. The only the content of what the mind says is largely irrelevant. My point is just to not have to talk it out.

And what's your advice to dealing with setbacks when somebody starts to live their life like that? All right, and they get a crisis comes up and they have a real hard time in handling it or she has a real hard time in handling it. What advice do you have for them in that heart hour?

You know, I don't think it's about advice. I think that the reason that failure poses problems is because the view point from which we view the game is fundamentally flawed. So I don't think it's like coming in and on the back end and trying to pick up the pieces because if you do that, I mean the pieces are going to fall apart again. So you're only you're only putting the pieces together with Scotch tape. So that's irrelevant. So the real question becomes not well, what advice do you have to help someone get through it? It doesn't matter if they get through it because if they get through this and there's going to be another assault coming very soon. Isn't this is probably the last assault right? So the question is that if you know that an assembly line of the salts are coming.

Then what is it? What is the frame? What is the understanding? What is the lens through which you are viewing the game that is causing you consternation when things do not go the way in which you hope that they should.

And for you, what does that? What does that look like?

You are too interested in answers. What do you mean was it look like? I mean you've had some challenges and I assume you've recently you've had some things turn out not the way you wanted them. How do you have you dealt with them? It's not it's not really about teachers as a just people want to know. Well, I don't think it's about how do I deal with them? Likely I think it's about it is yet another example, it is another sort of, you know, notch in the walls. So to speak of just how unsatisfying life really is life and the journey of a worldly / domestic existence if that is the delay

Through which life is lived. There is a constant struggle in order to achieve a sense of satisfaction and

And so that compels one to chase pleasurable experiences or chase success or chase, you know various forms of feathers and the cap in order to give oneself a greater. So self-image going back to what you asked earlier. So if we're in hopes of arriving at some former sense of satisfaction, but that never lasts so I think the more setbacks and quote failures and dramas and conflict, you know, they they just for the person who is looking at them as such will, you know, just sort of underscore that you know, it drills home the point that Buddha was right?

Wife indeed is suffering.

There is no question about there.

And that is not in any way spiritual mystical religious or theoretical.

What does that mean when you say life is suffering I get where that's coming from. And I also get that there are challenges that we're all going to deal with every day. But if life's that miserable what the hell do we celebrate?

I don't know why anyone celebrates any.

I celebrate nothing. I truly don't if something good happens. I don't celebrate it. You know, what does she do about what do you mean is there should be there should be about three people listen to this podcast. All right, because everyone else is is going to consider these to be dark and negative and nihilistic and defeatist and I have no insanely radical reaching those absolutely. Okay. So so even the question that you asked I mean I was going to interject but I allow you to finish the question, you know, you did when we you know, even though that we know like the suffering I know that a but is coming. All right, you know there there is it was only suffering and there is only there was only Misery the really is no and

You can let users because I think lost.

nothing wrong, if if you were a person who was in love with cars and

Everyday, I brought you a new sports car, but then every other day I took it away.

You would not look at that as a positive experience totally get it. Sure. Okay, and that is exactly how life is so I don't sugarcoat things. Okay, I think things the way they are. I have no interest in making anyone happy or sad.

So what life is suffering the debt limit you go and sit in the room and cry all day long you can but the only reason that it won't benefit you is because even when you stop crying it'll still be suffering.

So there's no point right? So I think it is the Stark understanding that no matter what you do in this world Mo whether you race children, whether you build a twenty billion dollar company, whether you become a famous professional athlete at the end of the day, every human being ends up in the same place, they end up alone in their house, but the lights dimmed wondering when the satisfaction is going to arrive.

It doesn't matter how big your bank account is fundamentally everyone reverse to the foundation of what comes next because none of these things left and you do not need to believe a single word that I say. I don't even subscribe to believe you just have to open your eyes and look.

And I totally get where you're coming from and at the same time we're talking to an audience who are building and growing companies. So in the hallway of these companies, how can a message like that be inspirational to people who every day I go in this company or in these open these doors as a leader to want to inspire group of people to do great things.

Yes, that's a very very good question. So what I will say is that

There's a great benefit and seeing the truth. But if the truth is seen for the benefit then it becomes an ulterior motive for the doesn't get anyone anywhere, but they're just so happens to be an organic benefit of seeing the truth. And if someone realizes for incident no matter what someone does in their life, they will never arrive at a place of satisfaction that will last then.

What will happen is that?

They will become free.

And the reason they'll become free is that they will not tie any sense of hope.

Or anticipation of happiness or self-worth to what they are doing.

They will be free to create and to do whatever they wish to do.

completely Unbound by the hope of success or the fear of failure

Now this is not why I am saying that one should recognize that life is suffering and that there is no satisfaction in the seeking. The truth is the only way I'm not saying that to do those things in order to provide in order to come at this benefit. I am saying that those things are all true in their own, right? It just so happens that seeing those truths organically provides one the benefit of Freedom, which ironically is precisely what everyone is seeking to begin with.

So when you're a leader and you've got a group of people who are struggling to make investors happy, you know what let's use an actual example over the last couple of days Apple has been bombarded by negative press their stock has taken a hit. Every article you're reading is about what went wrong. You know, what did their CEO Tim Cook mess or what? Are they misleading the world from if you're sitting in that boardroom right now seeing that your stock took over 40% hit over the last three or four months. How are you dealing with it? What are you saying to the other leaders sitting across from you to say hey, this is shit that we got to deal with and here are some things we're going to do to move Beyond it.

No, I'm not on my interested in putting out fires. Listen, you know, you can't do all the detrimental things and then on the other side say will give me a tip to get out of this mud pit and things don't work that way. Okay. So the truth is what estimate is when you fir tip. I'm a tell tell me what that conversation is like. Okay? Okay. Well, first of all the conversation is who am I dealing with are these individuals who are truly are looking for tips and for a lifeline and if they are as soon as there are no it's okay if they're not so if they're not what I'll say, is that the reason that you're okay. So whether a stock goes up and down those things are part of business. Okay. So that is the real question your problem. Isn't that the stock is going down that isn't your problem you're in problem. Your problem is you immediate most acute problem is the negative emotional impact that is having upon you AB, that's your issue because because one thing I will promise you

If that stock plummeted and you were unaffected you wouldn't you would be on fire right? You would do whatever you need to do to correct? Whatever issues need to be correct? And you would take action where action need to be taken and that's fine. You would look at home. That's fine. But internally, you wouldn't be feeling it. So the question becomes what is it that it's causing you always emotional turmoil and what's causing you the emotional turmoil is at the lens through which you view this is a faulty lens and the lens through which you view this should not be one of attachment but one of the game because you didn't view it as a game that is kept at arm's length at all times.

Then you became attached to it. So naturally you are going to suffer highs and lows and you will give your going to be like a tin can who is that is tied with a rope behind the bumper of a car and wherever that car goes, whatever bump in the road. It feels you're going to feel and that's the natural result of it.

And I II III that was beautifully said, all right, that was beautifully said and again, I want to assume that the people in that room are your kind of people they're the ones that want to be superb and they're the ones maybe who were going to say, you know Screw the outside world. We're doing our own thing. What am I doing to make sure that that constant barrage externally isn't impacting the type of business. We're building.

Well, it's not about the garage.

It's about it's not about it's not about the rain. It's the quality of the umbrella.

So I'm totally ignoring it in terms of am ignoring the noise, right? Well that your when you say ignoring it, you may be forcefully ignoring it and gritting your teeth and that would get you anywhere either.

So you can't actively ignore something if you if you genuinely are impacted by it, especially the company.

Yeah, everything is irrelevant. Nothing has any significance? Okay, if your company if your company goes up in smoke it goes up in smoke, right? I am telling you the ultimate business person the ultimate athlete the ultimate individual in any domain is the one who was first and foremost free.

That comes success or come failure it is what it is in the person will once again do whatever needs to be done over here and do whatever needs to be done over here. But internally, he is unaffected and the reason he is in effect it is because he views it as a game.

And he knew at the outset that this could this this thing could become this this Massac massive, you know Beacon for Humanity or it could go up in smoke.

Alright, so if I am viewing it as a game what is considered what is considered a win? And what is considered a loss?

Although I setting goals and and no those are those are your own definitions. I mean for some person for some people or you know why they go into it is a very personal thing for some it's just the you know, the expression of you know their talent for someone else. It's you know, it's the game of making, you know, ten billion dollars for someone else. It's the game of thing how big of a company I can create there's no right or wrong. So those are completely personal definitions as to why one gets into it. And what one is truly seeking from it, but the one thing that I will say is that one litmus test if it is Ultimate satisfaction regardless of outcome, then that person will not go astray.

What is freedom look like?

You know, I was asked this question. So many things in the world are from the PGA Tour, but because the question well, do you know anybody who you know any tour pro who you got views go golf that way my question is always my answer is always the same. Do you know anybody who's tried?

No One, how can you expect anyone to look at things from these you know from this otherworldly, you know mystical almost anti societal lenses when the only thing that the person has ever been taught or been exposed to or that has been basically shoved into down his throat and into his brain has been the opposite. You can't really ask that question. Why would they if all that you've taught someone is X and wherever that person goes, he sees posters of text and whatever he listens to he hears X and whoever he talks to he is told X, how can you ask the question which is well how many people do you know who think why why would

They only think why if there was other option, right if if they had other options, no one is giving another option nothing else exists, but X nothing else exists, but prescriptions nothing else exists, but societal tenants and and you know fabricated rules and all of the all of this silliness. It's all that exists. So what else are you going to create on a daily? Basis? What are you going to spawn? But that

Do you think that type of mindset can help fuel a company to that level of greatness? I could see the pursuit of one individual like yourself. How would that translate to if Kapil Gupta was building a company that has thousands of people how do I infect an organization with a message like that and a way of living like that by being uncompromising human beings will take if you give a human being an inch, she'll take a mile. And if you if you structure things in an airtight fashion, then you will tend to attract those who are moved by that philosophy.

But the moment you compromised the moment you crack open the door you're finished and compromise on what?

compromise on your vision

compromise on what you believe to be purity.

And if you come what may if it were you what how would you articulate your vision to the thousands of people who work for you?

Whatever by the ultimate Freedom, whatever.

Well be that would be related to what we what do you mean in the making of a company? Let's say you're building a company. Okay, so about making the company that I would figure out why it is that I'm making the company in the first place. What does satisfaction look like to me, right? What are what are my non-negotiables? So so those are the those, you know would be my viewpoints. Those would be the lenses, you know through which I would I would do things and then once I had my under those that were the things that were non-negotiable to me

Then whoever would be hired whoever would I would be surrounded by would be individuals who were airtight in those Norma ghoshal's I would be interested in convincing anybody. So you become because you when you have an airtight Vision, you cannot allow your mind to be exposed to views that are contrary and inferior to your vision because those things will sabotage you that's why I'm Twitter. I'm mute and block people all the time.

Because it isn't a form of retaliation it is that I can't have that in my space.

Everything the eyes see and everything that my mind is exposed to must be chosen. It must be it must be precise.

It must be in keeping with the vision because the one thing that I am completely and utterly cognizant and acutely aware.

Is the danger of cultural the danger and environment?

Do you know the number of individuals who in this world who were born to be great?

But they were almost killed in the womb by the society.

And they will never even know that that that they were supposed to be great. This is the power of environment and culture. The greatest individual will shun the world. He will live as an isolationist. He will be a hermit.

Because he cannot afford Association.

I I I'm totally in agreement with you. I'm totally in agreement with you there and I can see how we're all infected by the energy of others, but you know that I'm going to ask this question. What are your non-negotiables?

In what in life?

In your life right now. What are your non-negotiables?

Arriving at complete and total freedom from the mind.

Does that dictate everyday action from a behavioral from a societal perspective?

No ingested substances because any kind ever ever in my life. I've never had a drop of alcohol in my life. I've never taken a drug in my life. I've never smoked in my life. My video obviously had to take Tylenol and you know cough medicine and those kind of things and some antibiotics that those you know, I live a very limited very hermetic existent.

I don't I mean I go out, but quietly. All right, two more things for you.

I really love this idea of approaching a business with this notion of non-negotiables. We've heard it before but I don't think within this context. There's a lot of companies that are built on solving big problems. Right first person that comes to mind that solving big problems is Elon Musk. If you're standing in those shoes and your real I want to take people to the moon. I want to build an electric car that's going to change the entire face of an industry. How do you think about these problems?

You know, I wonder I don't mean.

Perhaps, you know Ian Elon Musk has you know, very rare DNA. So a person who has where DNA in one domain, you know, probably for is already doing some of these things right? He may already be viewing things from from from these lenses. I wouldn't be surprised but but I think Elon Musk is of is a perfect example of an individual who I would say needs to be very cognizant of the fact that you know, because he is an outlier with regard to levels of success and you know, you know being very original and imaginative and not you know, not placing himself and combining himself to societal limits that he needs to be very cognizant of the fact that this Society is a they you know, like poisonous swarm that through various different.

Avenues could serve to derail his gargantuan efforts. So I think it's largely those types of individuals. I think it's largely about protecting oneself and to keeping oneself pure to one's dishes because through through all the through, you know, if the windows cracked open, you know, that poisonous gas is coming to the window, right? So I would say that the maintenance of the purity of one's Vision without the slightest form of compromise.

Is what must be kept intact?

And how do you maintain a level of calm when you're dealing with such Monumental problems? What are you doing to make sure that you don't let doubt overshadow the level of confidence. You need to keep pursuing these audacious goals.

Well doubt oftentimes comes from society. So I think that's perfectly in line with what we internalize it. Most of us at least most of us. Most of us humans internalize it well, that's because most humans value Society.

So if you value someone or something, then you're going to lend an ear to it. If you if you think that something is is baseless or that a person that whenever that person speaks the person speaks, you know nonsense and is you know, then you would not listen to that person.

So it's because people places value upon society that they allow it in.

That's why it's a no in it. It's it's a relevant to tell someone.

Well, don't listen to people go don't let them, you know, don't let the world, you know, you know, bring you down that can't happen.

Unless that person.

Has no respect for the world.

And it's hard as hell to think like that. Right? Like I totally concur with your thinking that there is tremendous conflict tremendous comfort in being mediocre, right or whatever. However, you want to divide it being average or being part of the state. There's tremendous comfort in that it takes real responsibility for somebody to accept that being great is a responsibility and they're very few people who want to go there.

I don't think being great the responsibility.

You don't why is it a responsibility know why is being greater? Who are you being responsible to yourself?

You don't owe yourself anything?

If you're great, that's because you have is because you have no choice.

It's not a it's not you know, I have a responsibility to do this and that I have a responsibility to myself. No, it's you do it because you have no choice. That's just where all of your inclinations and your energy goes it didn't ever ask your opinion.

Why wouldn't I want to be great?

Well, why wouldn't someone wanted billion dollars, you know delivered in 10 silver suitcases lined up in a horizontal Fashion on their doorstep tomorrow line it up. Why would they well, of course they would okay. Well things don't put that but but want is irrelevant, right?

Yeah one is irrelevant. It's the pursuit or whatever. However you want to Define it. Well, yeah, so so what I'll say is, you know, I don't know why.

I turned out the way I turned out. Okay, I don't know why the one thing I'll tell you to answer your question me. Yes, it is difficult for someone to think like this and but the reason is difficult is because they would be doing it in order to make in a way that to make themselves think like this right? I mean, I never tried to make myself think like this. No one ever told me I never followed anybody. I wasn't mentored into it. Right. I've always hated Society press so so I think what I think for you when you knew what a however you want to frame it right that you were just cut out of a Different Cloth and you were just going to follow a different path. Was there a you don't thing that triggered that for you? I you know, like if I go back and examine

Oftentimes it isn't what you do with what you find yourself doing. And so if I was to go back and examined, I've always been a loner. I'm an only child right? I've always done things alone. Like, you know, I've always got out to eat alone. And whenever I would go out to eat, I you know, I never had any interest in going with other people. I've always been no a writer. I've I've never been interested in the social scene. I've I've always asked questions that were felt that were thought of as you know, crazy and wild and you know and just totally different right. So, I mean there was no event. There was no event. It was it's just sort of always been that way and you and you learn that as you become an adult and you look backwards and you find that the seeds of being this way were sold at a very young age and they weren't sewn by anybody. They were just DNA